things that make me resent strangers:

yeah, ugh. mommy's getting interested in the reusable bags now though. so maybe she makes up for him?

on a side note, i just barfed a little in my mouth. literally. ew

I just got back from interning with Southern Echo, a community organizing group in Mississippi. They offer help to communities that are looking to address the huge barriers that they are facing today; it all ties back to racism as it is manifested in its many forms. (Particularly with regard to voting rights, environmental racism, economic racism, and educational racism.)

The president of the organization, Hollis Watkins, has been beaten, put in jail (he was on death row for 55 days), and has nearly been killed several times for no other reason than that he was nonviolently protesting the mistreatment of blacks. He has been struggling to dismantle the systemic nature of racism in Mississippi and across the country throughout his 67 years on this planet.

When we were driving around at one point, I asked him if he was angry at the whites for all of this. He said no: he felt determined.

He said that more than anything, he feels confusion: he just doesn't understand why things are as they are, why people do what they do.

(He does have a good idea of why they do all that, but he meant in the larger sense.)

I met a lot of people down there that were angry. I think that their anger exhausted them. Some had been part of this struggle for a long time, and it's been their life. But they had not slain the gigantic monster, and this seemed to hurt them. They see this evil and they need to correct it to be content; it is an open wound they carry with them everywhere they go. It seems that it makes them resent those who are not "with them;" the people that don't see what they see, or, if they do see it, won't fight it.

I think the way that we react to evil (be it hatred, ignorance, greed, or whatever) is very important. If we try to kill evil, we will fail. Anger and resentment create separation, and when we are separated, we do not listen to each other. So that even when we scream the most immutable of truths, we are not heard, and nothing changes. We can’t afford to let this happen. Problems like racism, sexism, and the like need systemic responses, because they are systemic problems. Essentially, they need people to change their lives, how they think and act.

Before people change their lives, they need to understand how they are living now. I have no doubt that I do not know the full extent of my actions in daily life; I don’t think anyone can really know. But with helpful people giving facts, I’m learning more about how much of an impact I have on this world.

And even more, by meeting people like Mr. Watkins, I see how if I dedicate myself in the long run, and help people connect and work in the long haul, I can inspire other people to act as I want to. And I don’t think a gradualistic approach is apt; we must act decisively where we can. We need to be somewhere in the middle: committed for the long haul, without ever giving up our spirit of change. We can’t base our success on certain expected results and benchmarks. We have to plan and not get disillusioned.

I could write tons more, but I oughtn’t. I’d recommend against judging folks like that, though, or even the most evil people in the world. Everyone has reasons for doing the things they do. They’re not always very good reasons, but if we don’t take them into account, the person will think that we are attacking them, and not their behavior. It can be helpful in situations where you see evil going on to consider what made them do what they did. “They’re a bad / ignorant / hateful person” is not a viable answer; circumstances predicate behavior. It might seem minor to do this with someone getting plastic bags in the store, but if we don’t have compassion there, how will we do it when we are in a high-stakes situation? For example, when we are making legislation, will we in turn make unfair laws, because we don’t value that person? That fuels further inequality and resentment.

When we approach with understanding, and don’t dwell on our own wounds, our minds naturally expand, and love becomes easier with each motion. We can’t create love and peace through anger and war.

I really don’t like comments on blogs; it’s hard not to go into preaching mode. Please take issue with anything I’ve said: if you disagree with anything, please bring it to my attention. I trust your judgment very deeply, and I would far rather be told I’m wrong and be challenged on that than go on thinking that I’m right and go unchallenged.