from the wisdom of my nineteen years

some advice:

if you ever happen to find yourself walking through the halls of your educational institution to your friend's dormitory to celebrate the anniversary of his birth, and you see two huge bags of shredded paper sitting outside a door, you might think it would be amusing to take them and, after fighting your other friend with the bags à la pillows the whole way there, dump them on your friend's head with shouts of "birthday confetti!"

the shredded paper everywhere might even form the basis for most of the conversation that evening. and you might think it's pretty fucken hilarious.

but then, if your birthday is the next day, you might come back to your room to find a trail of paper that leads to the hugest pile of shredded paper evar on your bed. and you probably won't be able to do anything except laugh. because you know you deserve it.

so pass the shredded paper by, lest you find shreds of paper in your clothes, in your room, everywhere, for most likely the rest of your life.